Death Created Me

By Cassandra Anderson

If I knew New Year’s Day 2006 would turn out the way it did I would have never got out of bed.

It all started when it was time to go pick up my mother as well as my uncle for New Year’s Day dinner at my grandmother’s house. See my grandparents had picked me up the night before so that my mother could go out and have a good time on New Year’s Eve like most other parents did. When my grandfather got to my mother’s and my apartment there was no answer to his continued knocks at the door, all there was, was barking by the dog on the other side. See this was way out of the picture for my mother because it was not like her to not answer the door if she was home. Once my grandfather returned home without my mother he said he would try again when he took my uncle back expect he wanted me to go along because he knew that even if my mother was mad at him she would come to the door for me. We returned to the apartment and got the same result as he did earlier in the day. See this is where we started to worry because it was not like my mother at all to do what she was doing. We returned home to contact the police to see if they could tell us anything. All they told us was we had to wait till the morning to report her missing.

That night I looked at my grandmother with a pit in my stomach and asked “What if my mother had died.”

The next morning when I rolled over to see my grandmother standing next to the bed I knew something had to be wrong. She told me that we needed to talk. So I got out of bed and followed her down the hall way to the living room. I swear that was the longest walk of my life.

When I finally made it into the family room all I saw was my grandfather crying and that’s when I knew that my worst fear had come true. My mother had passed away.

My mother’s death was out of the blue and it really shocked all of us. She had passed away from what I like to call the silent killer, Cardiac Arrhythmia.

That’s when my life all started to change. See this is the time that it started to shape the person I would become. Back then I did not know it but looking back on it now I can see this is where it all started.

At first I hated God and honestly I hated life. God had taken from me the one person who I was closest too and trusted with everything. My mother just wasn’t my mother she was my best friend and the person I wanted to be like later in life. Now all that was taken from me and I just did not know what to do.

As time went by I started to get on with my life, all though at the time I still hated it.

Just when I thought everything was finally getting back to normal another huge bombshell hit me and my family.

Just a month and a little over a week later my uncle, who I was also really close with was taken from this earth.

Unlike the death of my mother my family and I sort of saw this death coming, all though we did not think it would be so soon or so close to the death of my mother. My uncle had been battling cancer for three years. Within the last month his health had taken a turn for the worst. At the time I might not have seen it but looking back now I honestly believe that his health had taken a turn when it did because it was his way of dealing with the death of my mother, his sister.

At this point and time I really started to hate God. He had taken two people that I loved so much from me.

That all changed with one phone call from my grandmother to my grandfather.

At the time of my uncles death I was out about to get dinner with my grandfather. My grandmother called my grandfather to tell him the news about my uncle, and that was the second time I saw my grandfather cry in front of me.

My grandfather looked at me and told me that my uncle had just passed away. He had lost his battle to cancer.

How could God take two family member from me within a little over a month? I remember thinking to myself no God would do that. No God would make a mother, my grandmother, go through something like that.

That view of God quickly changed.

Later that night once I was at home with my grandparents my grandmother told me she had to tell me something. She looked at me and said “I know that both these loses have been hard for you but maybe you can find confront in this. Right before your uncle died, he said Linda I can’t quite reach yet.”

At the time this little saying meant nothing to me but looking back years later it hit me and it hit me hard.

My mother and uncle had always been close. I remember my grandmother telling me all the stories of how my mother would be out there in the street with my uncle and his friends trying to play football with them. My uncle didn’t like it at first because my mother was a girl and he didn’t want a girl out there playing with them. But as time went by my uncle learned to love having my mother out there. As the two of them grew up this just became closer and closer. That is why it made since that the two of them had died so close together. It now made since why my mother was taken from this world when she was.

He took my mother so that when it was time for my uncle to pass away he would have someone there to greet him and show him the way. He would have a rock up there waiting for him to make him leaving us a little easier on him.

At this time in life is when my whole relationship with God stated to change. I started to see that there was a reason for all the sadness he had brought upon my family.

Once again I tried to get back to as normal as I possibly could. Everything was going great for a few months.

I had my 11th birthday and had a party with all my family and friends. We had thanksgiving just like any other family would. My family tried to make life as normal as possible for me during those few months. I believe that they were doing this so that I would feel like a normal child again.

During this time I made one of the best memories that I could have made with my grandfather. The memory that I am talking about is our last trip with him to California. At the time I did not know that it would be the last trip I took with him but I think he kind of knew it was the last time he would take a trip with us because he did everything with us that he possibly could.

I thought that my life was finally back on track and looking up. But once again it would not stay on track for long.

Just a little over a week before Christmas that same year my family had lost another key member to my family. My grandfather had lost his battle to cancer just as my uncle had a few months before.

At this point in my life I had a pretty strong relationship with God but I started to question why he would do this to my family once again. We had already had a bad year with the loss of my mother and uncle. Now on top of both of those the loss of my grandfather.

But once again, just like in my uncle’s death, there was a sign from the lord that looking back on now tells me there was a reason God took my grandfather.

This sign meant a lot to me because it made me see that my grandfather was not alone in his death but God was with him and that God was also with my family during this time.

Looking back on this year of my life now I know that this year was the hardest time during my childhood but it also shaped the person I am today. I know that it sounds weird but I know for a fact that without the death of these family members I would not be where I am in school right now. I know that I would not hold the value of family that I currently hold. I know that I would not look at life the same if they were still here with me. But most of all I know that my relationship with the Lord would not be as strong as it is today if I did not lose these family members.

So next time you loss someone that you are close to weather it is to death or they just decide that they do not want to be in your life anymore try not to look at it as a bad thing because it just might shape the person you are meant to be in life.

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